About a month ago a relative of my wife’s died. It was a while coming as she was elderly, had been in poor health and barely mobile. So while very sad, it was not unexpected.

I had met her and her family a few times and wanted to attend to give my respects to her and her family. I was also a little curious just how Chinese (Shanghai) funerals were conducted.

Compare and Contrast

While the underlying objective is the same: pay respects to the deceased and her family, the process was interestingly different.

Perhaps due to the extreme size of Shanghai’s population (25 Million – more than Taiwan or Australia), the whole event had an ‘industrial’ undertone.

The funeral ‘home’ was a very large building a few hundred meters in length and two stories tall. Viewing rooms were about 10 x 10 meters in size and all had exterior entrances, so there were dozens of them in the building. Outside were large LED signs with the schedule of every room scrolling on it for viewing the deceased (about one hour given for each service). Find the correct room and viewing time and then head over to the flower shop.

Part of the funeral home was a flower shop. Pre-arranged flowers on bamboo stands were available for rent (no sale) to be delivered and displayed in the designated room at the appropriate time. A calligrapher was on hand to write out on long white paper strips whatever blessing or sediment you wish to have attached to the flower arraignment.

Wearing white is only designated for those closest to the deceased, much like pole-bearers in the U.S. But it consists of a white belt and a small red fabric patch pined to the left arm sleeve below the shoulder. All other attendants wear a black fabric patch pinned to their left arm sleeve, also below the shoulder. Wearing black clothing is optional, and not many did. A white flower is also given to each attendant.

You wait outside on benches under canopies for your service time near the room assigned. Bottled water is provided for free while you wait. When it is time for their viewing, an employee calls everyone in. The rooms are white, very white, and very clean and stark – cleaner than any hospital I’ve ever been in. There are no chairs as everyone stands in rows with the close family members in the front.

An employee on a mic and speaker talks facts about the deceased: their name, birthday, dead day, age, etc. The deceased is then wheeled into the room on a steel table resembling an operating table. Fully clothed and surrounded with flowers, they are rolled under a Plexiglas viewing dome, also surrounded by flowers. A photo of her is placed on the shelf behind her.

Then, as in the U.S, a few family members come forward one by one to pay their respects and eulogize them. They do this by first bowing three times to the deceased and then turns and bows to the attendants once. Then they talk about her life and her impact on them and how much she will be missed. Then, in groups of six, the attendants pass by the deceased for individual viewing and paying of respect: bowing three times and placing the white flower on top of the viewing dome over her. And then head over to the close family members lined up for receiving you. White envelopes with money inside are giving the to family to pay respect.

All then leave the viewing room and are given a box gift on the way out. This consisted of a bar of chocolate, a towel and a cup and spoon. We wait outside to be called back in again so that we may follow the deceased as she is rolled out of the room, down the halls and into a waiting black minivan in the back (which had garishly painted adverts for the funeral home on its sides). From there, the deceased is taken to a crematorium far outside the city and they are not legal within city limits.  There is no casket and the left side seats have been removed in the minivan so the deceased can be rolled in from the back.

Buses are lined up outside to take you to the restaurant that only serves funeral parties. We took a family car.

Before entering the restaurant, you must walk by a small fire and pass your right foot over it to re-balance the Yin from all the Yang of the funeral. Your black fabric patch is also discarded into the trash before entering. The next step is to then wash your hands thoroughly and have a small cup of tea before taking your seat. This is also to cleanse yourself from all the Yang of the funeral.

Way too much food is served, and you eat until you cannot take another bite. All of it is already paid for by the deceased’s family. Leftovers are taken home so no food is wasted.

But you can’t go straight home, lest the spirits of the deceased follow you. We drove around for a least an hour, going random directions, multiple turns and U-turns to loose these spirits before it was safe to return home.